Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sledge full of stones

Why do I feel this heavy burden again on my shoulders? Why couldn't I let it fall to ground, leave me, wash it away like rain washes all dust from leaves of trees. Why cant it just drop down like my hair when I shave them with my new hairclipper? It is like sledge full of heavy stones that I drag along. And why do I keep dragging it? Beacuese I don't know how to let it go. I feel like I'm wandering around with no place to go. Dunno where all this feelings are pouring again.

I see creepy dreams. I guess it's beacuse of my medication. Don't really wanna see myself in star of porn movie again. Or me fighting with people and destroying our ceramics burning kiln when trying to close it top. Some crap from my subcounsciousness what I can't explain. Maybe they are my fears or something. I would like to leave my drugs, be free from them, but then I don't know if I'm stable enough. I guess that is doctors decision.

Sore throath again. I really don't wanna be sick again, when I should be going to work tomorrow. And I don't know how I'm suppose to get up six o'clock in the morning. I need my 9 hour sleep and morning coffee. Or do I? Really don't know anything anymore.

Now I'm going to have my cup of tea and trying to shut my brains down. Don't really know how it works. Well see.